On Letting Go....
"You will find that it is necessary to let things go; simply for the reason they are heavy. So let them go, let go of them. I tie no weights to my ankles." - C. Joybell
We have all experienced some type of emotional pain at one time or the other. Whether it was the pain of losing a loved one, the pain of a break-up or the pain of a personal loss (such as a job loss), loss is a fact of life. While it is a fact of life, it does not have to be the weight the drags us down to depressing depths; it is how we deal with that loss that will bring us past it and on to a more positive way of life.
Unless we learn how to let go; how to let go of anger, let go of hurt; when the pain becomes a normal part of our day to day life, we will become trapped within a vicious circle that will become more and more difficult to break free from.
Letting go will change your life. Forgiving will change your life. It does not mean you will erase the past or forget the hurt, but it does mean that you can move on both emotionally as well as mentally. If you are holding on to the pain, reliving it over and over each day, and can't let go, then take a look at some of the steps I have outlined below. They can help you learn to let go, forgive and move on.
- Identify The Loss - This sounds simple enough, but it really is not. Identifying the loss is actually a process that we must go through - take a moment and actually verbalize the loss. Verbalize the consequences. Give it weight - take it from rolling around in your mind to something that is physical. Write it down, include a list of how you feel you are impacted. Make it real. This gives you permission to feel the loss without having to 'put on a good face'.
- Grieve - Allow yourself to grieve over the loss. Far too many people take on the attitude of: "I'm fine!" or "I'm strong!" and view grieving as a sign of weakness; this is simply just not true. The grieving process allows you the opportunity to purge the negative feelings; it is a part of the healing process.
- You Have A Choice - You can't control the actions of other people, you can only control yours. Once you realize this, you will be on the road to a better place. By understanding that you can only control YOUR actions, you can better stop the cycle of negative thoughts spinning around your head. It is an important part of the process of letting go.
- Focus on the Present - It is so easy to constantly think about the moments you HAD instead of the moments you are having. The memories become better as time wears on because you tend to forget the bad memories. The good memories then become perfect memories and you continually live them over and over again. It is a trap. Live in the present, focus on the present and create new memories that will be far more lasting.
- Forgive - Whether it was a real or perceived hurt or loss, it doesn't matter. Another important step of letting go requires you to forgive. Forgive the person, forgive the situation - it doesn't matter, simply forgive and allow yourself to move on.
- Let Peace Reign - The very last step and another important one, is to let peace reign over you. A great exercise to get to this point is to actually write a letter! Use pen and real paper, not electronic as the exercise of writing will actually help the feelings begin to fade. You won't mail this letter, you will tuck it away (or better still, burn or bury it); so you can be brutally honest. Write the letter to the person or persons or even thing (like a job) that you need to let go. There is something in the actual spelling out of the hurt and the anger that allows you to let go easier. It's very therapeutic.
Letting go can be difficult and can sometime seem as if it is insurmountable. I assure you it is not; with a little effort, some positive energy you can let go and move on!