'Battleship' - F 0, sink that battleship!
WHY AM I SHOUTING? BECAUSE I JUST SAT THROUGH OVER 2 HOURS OF MINDLESS EXPLOSIONS, MINDLESS DIALOUGE AND MINDLESS acting, whoa, my ears just popped!
Even the normally great Liam Nesson could not save this worthless piece of garbage. I knew I was in trouble when director Peter Berg (who also produced this, presumably he will not be allowed to make that mistake again), filled the first 5 minutes with every cliche that one could imagine. Lifted fully from the Michael Bay handbook for robotic destruction, 'Battleship' is simply 'Transformers' but on the ocean and a far more terrible film.
Taylor Kitsch is Lt Alex Hopper, a slacker who turns around his life to become a navy hero along side his navy hero brother, Commander Stone Hopper played by Alexander Skarsgard (who I am sure is, at this very moment, pounding his head on the kitchen table). Ironically, or so we are expected to believe, both brothers fall under the command of Admiral Shane (Liam Nesson) who also happens to be the father of Alex's girlfriend Sam, played with worse acting than a unnamed Twilight character (I am hoping Snow White and the Huntsman will redeem her) by Brooklyn Decker (yeah, she was in the bomb 'Just Go With It', so she has that going for her as well). Somehow, NASA is able to send a signal to a galaxy far, far away that is home to a planet that is very much Earthlike. The aliens recieve the signal and come pounding on Earths front door - in Hawaii. And why not, doesn't everyone want to go to Hawaii first?
Ok - I feel like I need to make a point - any radio signal sent from Earth, no matter how powerful, would take nearly 2.2 million years, just to reach the Andromeda Galaxy. Not only did our aliens receive the transmission in mere hours, they were in our galaxy and wreaking havoc on Earth in minutes.
So - a super fast, super powerful alien armada, capable of laying waste to an entire country (I wish to apologize to Hong Kong, American film makers feel the need to constantly destroy your city) is bought to it's knees by a single battleship and some sun light. You would think they would have Raybans on Planet G (as in gee - get me the heck out of here).
Even worse, there are ham fisted efforts to pay tribute to wounded veterns and veterns from WW II that feel as uncomfortable as they look. This is a pure blow s@!t up movie, if you are keen to spend $10.00 or more to watch that, then by all means do so. But be forwarned, between explosions there are LONG periods of acting that will leave you wishing for an alien to burst through the screen and destroy the theater.
Leave this 0 star mess to sink into the murky depths of movies that should have never seen the light of day.